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redleaf
May 11, 2011 17:52:33 GMT -5
Post by tigtiggyman123 on May 11, 2011 17:52:33 GMT -5
Name: redleaf Age (Moons): 40 Gender: She-Cat Clan: DawnClan Rank: Warrior Appearance: redleaf is a she-cat that is brown with a redish mixture in her fur and ginger spots that mostly look like leaves,she is always mistaken for a pile of leaves because of her leaflike pelt. Personality: redleaf is a the type of she-cat that comes out and says what she thinks,she does what she thinks is right, and is always up for a fight and knows what others feel just by looking in their eyes. History: redleaf had a father that never wanted to have her,so he snuck out with redleaf in his jaws one night and tried to convince her to cross the river into twilightclans territory,but somehow she saw the hatefullness glitter in her fathers eyes and refused. Relationships: love:none mother:rabbitash father:lonepelt alive
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redleaf
May 11, 2011 17:53:54 GMT -5
Post by tigtiggyman123 on May 11, 2011 17:53:54 GMT -5
ummmm........ did i do better this time............................
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redleaf
May 15, 2011 20:55:26 GMT -5
Post by dragonfrog on May 15, 2011 20:55:26 GMT -5
Well, I've seen some improvement. But you could do with more, IMO. What you should do is create more clean sentences ,with capitals atleast, not one run-along sentence either. YOu can add paragraphs too. You could make it even more descriptive and understanding if you ask yourself some questions. Whats the fur texture? Eye color? Whats the appreance help her with? Is she mistaken randomly for a pile of leaves in the middle of camp? Or out in the forest? Here's an example ~ - Redleaf is a brown she-cat with a mix of redish fur throughout her coat. She has ginger spots that look somewhat like fallen leaves along her pelt. Her fur is ___ ( long, short ) and very ___ ( soft, fluffy, stringy, thick ). Redleaf has ___ ( brown, green, blue ) eyes and a more of a ___ ( muscular, lithe, small ) body frame. Redleaf's fur helps her sneak around through the forest and helps her hunt, because she can be mistaken for leaves when hidden in bushes or grass. This makes her a strong hunter during Leaf-Fall or Autumn. - Remember not to add so many commas and to have a picture of your cat, not of any random pciture you may have! Throw your cats into roleplays too, your cats aren't just here to make! Use capitals and good clean sentences as I've said before as well, nice and readable. Attachments:
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redleaf
May 16, 2011 16:26:35 GMT -5
Post by Gold on May 16, 2011 16:26:35 GMT -5
Also, about her history, TwilightClan isn't evil at all. It wouldn't really matter if she crossed because it isn't like they'd kill her. If her history is going to tie in with the Clans or the RP, please make it senseful. :3
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